friend-zone

Why Do Nice Guys Get Friend-Zoned?

“I like you as a friend”

The official “you’ve been friend-zoned”christening.

Initially, it was the easy way to turn somebody down. It was also meant as a sign of appreciation, since you were willing to keep that person close to you, as a part of your life and close circle.

Nowadays, that honest though is both a selfish display for attention seekers and a strategy. Why do nice guys get friend-zoned has more to so with them than with the other person, with boundries, self respect and a shaddy approach. 

1). Girls can be mean. Especially pretty ones

They know that have no romantic interest in you, yet keep you hanging and feed out of all the attention and availability you’re showing. All this while complaining that there are no nice guys out there!

2). Strategy

All the above happens because you let it.

The “nice guys” accept the role of the friend under false pretenses. They think it’s a sure fire way to woman’ heart and that being always there will take them places.

Not so nice guys after all, right?

Assuming a part with hidden intentions in your mind says a lot about a person. It’s dishonest and sneaky. You can’t possibly be a real friend if you’re always waiting for something in return. All is not fair in love.

If you’re only looking for her romantic interest in you, be honest about that. Accept the other person’s choice if it’s not matched, but do not accept anything in between.

How to get out of the friend-zone?

Make yourself less available

Women do it all the time, but we are more in touch with our inner drama queen.

If you are always up for everything, she knows that she can count on you to be there no matter what, and that might be one of the reasons she’s not seeing you as a potential partner. While you think you’re showing her how reliable you really are, all she sees is a predictable and boring behavior. She’ll come to you for help with her printer, she’ll trust you with her dog, but when it comes to her heart she’ll go for someone else.

Action plan: If you’re already friends and are always doing stuff together, it would be interesting to start skipping a few group activities. Don’t respond to every text in a heartbeat and don’t say yes to everything she says.

Instead, try to show her a different part of you – no, I don’t mean that literally –  whenever you do interact, so she has new and interesting facts about your passions, dreams, etc. Be sure to go for the quality time you can spend together so you have the chance of stating your intentions.

Leverage the friend zone

Everybody jokes about Ron being the only guy that got out of the friend zone with Hermione.

If you are there, that means that you put yourself in that position, hoping that it will get you places.

As time goes by you come to notice that “just friends” means just that, you have to reconsider your ground. Since you are a part of her close circle now and you know her better, you can make a way better move on her that when you first met.

Remember that now she trusts you and you don’t want to betray that. Moreover, she trusts that your friendship is not a means to a different end – taking her to bed. Given all this, start thinking about her schedule, her hobbies, and interests. If you want to make another move, this time you can really plan something special, personal and that you’ll know for sure she’ll love.

Now is the time to leverage your friendship: since you’re always hanging out, she trusts you and you always have together, she’ll be more inclined to open up. It’s also time for her to see another part of you, the one that knows everything about her and stills wants more.

Action plan: surprise her after her work with a relaxing night out: her fav food, drinks, maybe even a picnic. Something thoughtful and personal. State your intentions & make her feel special. Let her know that she’s the reason you took dance lessons, yoga and what else.


The action plan is part of a different article: Dating Tips For Shy Guys. Be sure to check it out!

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