how to break up gracefully

How to end a relationship with grace

An ex tried to convince me to visit some monasteries together, in a last attempt at saving my soul and getting the devils out of me in order to keep things going between us.

That didn’t go so well.

I’ve mastered the art of ending relationships badly. No pride in that.

I’ve also managed to learn from past experiences and bad choices while finding my peace.

Breakups are never easy. Not even when it’s the right thing to do.

You have to go through it all: the missing part, the anger, the self-doubt, the late night texting desire, the obsessive-compulsive need to remember all the bad things.

Toxic relationships with good people are still bad.

If you came to this conclusion and know that someone is not right for you, trust your instinct.

Don’t wallow, don’t postpone it. It will never be a good time.

Don’t be subtle about it and leave clues. Don’t pick a fight. Passive aggressive attitude will not bring you any joy either.

Be calm, kind and thoughtful

Do it personally, privately, in a comfortable location for both of you.

Don’t make a big statement out of it and take the person where you had your first date, to come full circle. No one needs additional suffering.

You can start by letting the other one know you hold him dear to your heart and this relationship was important to you.

Don’t play the friends card, it might be too soon. Give him time to heal, to go through his own process without the social pressure of acting as a friend.

Say what you’ve learned from him/her and what this time together taught you.

Focus on the positive aspects and on how grateful you are for them. Knowing what an impact he had on your life might pun a good spin on it.

People are better than their worst mistake

Keep that in mind when building up the courage to talk about the breakup, as well as during the process.

Remembering all the tough moments you had will not make anything better, so focus on the things you used to like about him.

Don’t use his worst behavior as an excuse for yours

Keep a mindful and caring attitude after the talk as well. Be considerate of your online conduct as well.

Don’t let your emotions loose on social media.

Breakups are not about making your ex jealous, or about who gets over the other first.

Don’t keep tabs on who did what

This is not a score table and it’s not about being right. It’s about the right decision for you and your future self.

Make it clear that you too feel a sense of loss.

Everybody wants to be understood

Make sure you offer that, especially now.

Take responsibility for your actions, apologize and let the other know you have a clear image of what you need to improve.

There’s nothing more frustrating than leaving a relationship with the feeling that the other one doesn’t get you at all and all of your efforts where in vain.

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