Dating Tips for Shy Guys
A lot has changed since “Shy Guy” was the number one hit on the radio. That song was not the only one that came to the timid guys rescue. Being a classy nerd became a fashion trend, glasses are cool thanks to Harry Potter and sit comes made us all love the introverted caring guys all around.
Today’s dating scene is filled with apps, texts, Facetime and snapchat. One would think these could actually help shy guys have a standing chance since they can use all their qualities to impress a woman while making the emojis blush instead of them. That is not always the case. Social media cand add extra pressure and a false sense of confidence that will come tumbling down hard when it comes to real interaction.
If you still have a hard time talking to women, finding your words or the right icebreakers, take a look at the list below and the action plan for every scenario. They are meant to help you see yourself differently and your shyness as a newfound quality you can leverage in the dating realm.
Turn your shyness into a strength
Ever since I was a junior high I heard girls complaining and wondering where are all the good guys. Women are tired of men coming on to them all the time, being rude or too forward. So the fact that you have a softer way of interacting could work on your behalf.
The fact that your shyness is preventing you from drooling all over her from the moment she came into the room, is actually good. You have time to see what she’s doing, at what she’s responding to, what type of drink she’s ordering. Noticing small details can help you make the move.
Action plan: add a shocking twist of sincerity to your approach.
Women are used to cocky & impersonal pickup lines like “ Hi, there, gorgeous” and they are sick of them. That is why you can stand out by using your shyness as a factor.
Tell her that “‘you don’t normally do this, but you couldn’t stop yourself from coming over, wanting to meet her. Of course, now that you are here, you can’t help yourself from blushing like in the 2nd grade”. This is where you back down, offer your apologies and compliments, wishing her a great evening. And walk away. You’ll be surprised at how many women will respond to sincerity.
Update your look
If you’re still depending on your only suit, bought in the 8th grade, we have a problem. It’s time for an update, a new wardrobe, and haircut, or even a beard – if you can rock a beard, that will do wonders. Embrace the lumberjack trend if it suits you, it’s manly and sophisticated, with no trace of the shy 8th grader.
Always go for smart casual, keen grooming, relaxed and fresh.
Pay attention to your shoes and your manners, women do!
Action plan: find a guy (actor, athlete, friend) whose personal style you like. Try to find similar pieces and a light way to incorporate new items into your wardrobe. You don’t have to go overboard and turn into Prince.
Improve your body language
No lettuce handshake and no slouched shoulders. Maintain eye contact and a natural smile.
How you walk towards her or away says a lot about how the conversation was. You have to commit to keeping that brave posture all through the conversation, don’t back down, don’t hesitate. Be assertive, relaxed and polite, even if she doesn’t respond as positively as you’d wish.
Action plan: fake it ‘til you make it. Practice an improved posture in your everyday activity. Try a confident approach in any environment. Take on a sport or activity that you like – being good at it will improve your overall confidence.
Use your professional skills
Shy with the ladies, but calling the shots at your job?
It’s time you’ve harvested all those qualities and put them to good dating use. If you make killer presentations or you win your every pitch, use those skills in the dating area as well.
Action plan: marketing pitch for you.
After taking your time to see why she’s entered the room and what is she doing there that night, see her how her interactions go → know your audience. Chances are she’s being hit on by other fellas as well, so it’s basically a watch and learn type of situation. You can easily tell what she’s responding to.
In every marketing presentation, the opening line must leave the client speechless, but craving for more, right? Same approach here, guys. Try a bold, yet honest approach and say something like: “I must say, watching these poor guys hitting on you was the highlight of my evening. I’ve even kept scores for each of them. Out of curiosity, did any of them stand a chance?”
Keep it light, funny and work those pitching skills! She might not be in the mood for being hit on, but chances are she will not say no to a refreshing conversation.
Make yourself less available
Women do it all the time, but we are more in touch with our inner drama queen.
If you are always up for everything, she knows that she can count on you to be there no matter what, and that might be one of the reasons she’s not seeing you as a potential partner. While you think you’re showing her how reliable you really are, all she sees is a predictable and boring behavior. She’ll come to you for help with her printer, she’ll trust you with her dog, but when it comes to her heart she’ll go for someone else.
Action plan: If you’re already friends and are always doing stuff together, it would be interesting to start skipping a few group activities. Don’t respond to every text in a heartbeat and don’t say yes to everything she says.
Instead, try to show her a different part of you – no, I don’t mean that literally – whenever you do interact, so she has new and interesting facts about your passions, dreams, etc. Be sure to go for the quality time you can spend together so you have the chance of stating your intentions.
Leverage the friend zone
Everybody jokes about Ron being the only guy that got out of the friend zone with Hermione. If you are there, that means that you put yourself in that position, hoping that it will get you places.
As time goes by you come to notice that “just friends” means just that, you have to reconsider your ground. Since you are a part of her close circle now and you know her better, you can make a way better move on her that when you first met.
Remember that now she trusts you and you don’t want to betray that. Moreover, she trusts that your friendship is not a means to a different end – taking her to bed. Given all this, start thinking about her schedule, her hobbies, and interests. If you want to make another move, this time you can really plan something special, personal and that you’ll know for sure she’ll love.
Now is the time to leverage your friendship: since you’re always hanging out, she trusts you and you always have together, she’ll be more inclined to open up. It’s also time for her to see another part of you, the one that knows everything about her and stills wants more.
Action plan: surprise her after her work with a relaxing night out: her fav food, drinks, maybe even a picnic. Something thoughtful and personal. State your intentions & make her feel special. Let her know that she’s the reason you took dance lessons, yoga and what else.
Join groups with similar interests
It’ always easier to talk to people that share your same passion. Whatever it is, try to join groups around that particular hobbies, and this way it will be natural for you to exchange ideas, meet and interact with new people.
Action plan: play a game you can win. When it comes to women, think about it this way: you already have a starting point, something in common and a topic to talk about. If you both are into music, ask her to join at a concert, festival, etc. It’s easier to talk to women when it’s about your own exciting hobbies about you know so much already. You’ll come off as a really interesting & passionate guy.